I’m going a tad stir crazy. Being a stay at home mom is tough. It gets really boring playing with a toddler all day 24/7… And before anyone starts in with the “how can you say that? Children are a gift…” And yadda yadda. I would like to point out. I know that. I believe that. I wouldn’t change my life for anything. Actually, that isn’t entirely true. If I could change anything, it would be me.
I would replace the introvert parts of me. I would give myself some more giddy up. I’d make myself more comfortable with trying new things. That way I would have gone to the playgroup I found on meetup.com and I would have made it to the library storytime, and so on.
I put these things in my planner, but when the time comes I find a reason not to go. The sad part is that half the reason I don’t go is because I don’t feel like pretending. Pretending I’m enjoying something I’m not, or pretending to agree with different parenting styles that I think are freaking ridiculous. I don’t feel like putting on make up to seem like I have it together. Most days, you’re lucky to get a smile about being awake before 7 am. Coffee doesn’t cut it, and my uber caffeinated tea doesn’t either.
Often I feel like waking up to see my sons smiling face should be reason enough to get up in the mornings… But truthfully… He doesn’t always wake up smiling. There are days when he’s a cranky butt, and I have to grin and bear it. Tell myself over and over that its a phase. Or that once he’s talking it will be easier to understand why he’s so mad about everything. Sometimes, he’ll be in that mood and I will be in a great mood and his mood can’t phase me. Other times, I hide in the bathroom and cry because I’m tired. I am a tired mom. Not always. But I have those days. Then my hubby comes home and I cry on his shoulder and he reminds me that I’m not the only tired mother.
And maybe that is the point of this post. To tell those other tired mothers… I’m tired too.
That is, I hope there are other tired mothers out there. It’s a terrible feeling when your kid exhausts you, and that voice in head convinces you that you are inadequate.
So I guess a belated New Years resolution is to get out more. This one will be hard for me, as I get so down on myself and never want to do anything. And it’s not really fair to my son. So! Come Friday (the next story time at the library) my son and I will be there. If it kills me. 😉
PS. As I stated in the beginning of this post, this is a personal post. None of these things are entirely easy to talk about, and if you have anything judgmental to say keep it to yourself. I am judgmental enough of myself. But I think it will help in a strange way to put it out in the open like this.